Why is it so Hard to Talk About Money?
While it’s one of the most important conversations we can have in life and business, many people find discussing money, super uncomfortable and daunting, even in their closest personal relationships.
Think about it though. A conversation about money is pretty cut and dried. The numbers don’t have feelings you can hurt or egos you can bruise. So why is it such an emotional challenge to approach these conversations?
Most of us are ill prepared to think about money dispassionately. What we learned at home and in school never prepared us to take on deliberate and honest conversations about the ways money effects our lives and relationships and ways that we can make it easier for ourselves.
Starting the Conversation
The easiest way to start to get comfortable talking about money is to reflect on how and why you’re uncomfortable in the first place.
- What did you learn about money growing up?
- How did your family, your neighbors, and people you respected in the community deal with money?
- How did those examples influence how you feel today?
- When you try to approach a money discussion, how does it make you feel?
Whether you’re approaching the conversation with a boss or coworker, a friend, family member, or even your spouse or partner, understanding their feelings and attitudes about money can shed some light on the differences that might be standing in the way of an open and honest exchange. Understanding how others relate to money can help you both engage in an open-minded exchange that respects differences in the ways each individual’s attitudes, upbringing, and feelings can influence their willingness to engage.
Timing Matters
Engaging in these conversations requires empathy and vulnerability, which means timing can be everything. It’s never the right time to begin a sensitive conversation if emotions are heating up. Your goal should be to approach the topic from a place of vulnerability and empathy. If you’re already angry or casting blame, you’re never going to get to where you need to go.
Nobody’s Perfect
No matter how frustrating or illogical someone’s behavior with money may be, it pays to understand that there’s no “right way” to approach finances. Try to avoid preconceptions and judgment, assume everyone has the best intent and remain committed to finding a way to communicate and make changes that work for both of you. Financial habits can be deeply ingrained and come with strong emotional attachments. Patience is your friend in this endeavor.
It's Not Just You
You’re not weird. Conversations about money can feel challenging and even scary for everyone. Most of us have never learned how to talk about money or successfully approach any kind of difficult and potentially emotional conversation. So don’t be daunted. Approaching the subject with patience, understanding, and a willingness to compromise can help make free-flowing discussions about your financial life easier and more productive in the end.